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My journal from this period reads like a series of wide-eyed Trip Advisor reviews of Brooklyn: “The restaurants have old, dim bulbs installed We had many similarities, but faith wasn’t one of them. James grew to be the person who understood I needed three pillows on my side of the bed.He knew to show up with lemons and aloe-infused tissues when I caught a cold. But he didn’t understand why I schlepped to Union Square on Sundays for church, or how big of a deal it was for me to lead a Bible study in my neighborhood, or the unique encouragement I got from my Christian friends’ insights.Love requires us to defer to the other generously, hoping our present sacrifices lead to a happy future together.
And then I break it off with him by telling him I’m looking for a partner who shares my faith, or he saves me the trouble by getting weirded out and losing interest. Another co-worker had already asked me out, and I didn’t feel like I could manage two work flings at once.
I graduated from college in 2010, when chances for employment of any kind were slim. Still, he kept inviting me to lunch, and sometimes, I accepted.
These men tend to balk when they realize I mean it sincerely. Some of these men send mystifying messages, like this one I’ll paraphrase: “I’m looking for a woman of God.
One who is virtuous, ripe with the fruits of the spirit and able to cook meatloaf.
Our therapist said our conflict wasn’t really about religion; it was rooted in identity.