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by  |  10-Oct-2019 21:43

I felt like I was now at a disadvantage, like a hole had been torn in the image I wanted to present of myself. Sitting in dismal space on 56th west of seventh smoking a cigarette by hooters.

He was carrying a black shopping bag which added to this feeling somehow.

I thought he had seen me and would come to me, but he started to turn and walk right.

Then, on Saturday afternoon, after we got back to the hotel (slightly drunk) from Central Park, I checked my email."let me know if/when for sun/mon — need to figure out my plans — may be out of town until sun afternoon — hope you are enjoying NYC" "sunday is fine whenever you can text me 702-XXX-XXXX btw sry if too forward will u read thru my archive of selected blog posts and say what you think just b/c i want you to" "will do — be in touch tomorrow 6ish" Patrick was gone all Sunday visiting a friend. It was a strange feeling, having spent the past two weeks looking forward to nothing but meeting him, but as the minutes drew closer I was overcome with nervous dread.

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